“I’m not strong enough” is how I’ve felt a minimum of probably seventy-five percent of the time that I’ve spent in recovery. It seems like every time I’m starting to get the hang of things, starting to learn how to swim in the waters, I find myself in a new sea with new waves and a new current, struggling to stay afloat once again. People say that God gives His strongest soldiers the toughest battles, but I often wonder if He doesn’t allow people to fight tough battles to make them into the strongest fighters.
When looking up from the bottom of the monstrous Mount Recovery, one of the few sources of comfort for me, when I’m choosing to acknowledge it, has been the knowledge that God’s climbing with me. I’ll humbly admit that there have been plenty of days I’ve set out on my own, determined that God could never in a million years actually want to climb this mountain with me. Well, I logically know that I, firstly, cannot decide for God what he does and doesn’t want, and secondly, that He does want to scale it with me. He realizes that there’s no way I can do this on my own, and He’s here even on the days when I’m giving Him a cold heart and shoulder.
When the days come that I’m ready to open my heart to Him again, we make some real progress. The days when I throw my hands up and surrender and let Him be the source of strength for both of us, those are the days we climb the farthest. Philippians 4:13 says that “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me,” but I like to look at is as I can do all things with Christ who strengthens me. With Him, it doesn’t matter how beaten down you are. He realizes that we don’t have enough strength on our own, but with Him, we become more than strong enough.
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